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Monday, February 13th, 2012
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9:06 am - life
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Life's been interesting lately.
And, by interesting, I mean totally effed up. Lots of ups and downs, lots of trying to figure out what end is up, lots of feeling like crawling in to a dark, dank corner somewhere, sandwiched between happy moments, too.
I feel like I've lost focus on what's important to me. Short term fixes aren't satiating my overall happiness factor, nor should they. That's part of what creates those up and down cycles.
One area, I'm embarrassed to admit, is that I just can't hold my liquor these days. After losing over 30 pounds in the past year, my standard drink tally for an evening out (three) knocks me on my ass. Hell, even one drink gets me buzzed. After three? Judgement out the window. Three turns to four, or five. My filter disappears and I say thoughtless things. And then? A pretty certain hangover the next day.
I've been on a big health kick lately, eating lots more fresh, local produce, fewer animal products, juice fasting more frequently, and it feels pretty good to take care of myself. Weight is just shedding off. It's not effortless, but it's not painful, either. Giving my body the right tools to repair and recharge. So, what's alcohol doing in the mix? Not a whole hell of a lot of good.
Considering we want to get kid #2 rolling soon, maybe it's not such a bad idea to lay off drinking for now. Wine gives me headaches lately, so that's out for me anyway. Beer is too carby, so that's been out, too. Lately I've gone to low carb vodka based drinks, but I'm gonna cut those out, too. It's one of those short term fixes that just doesn't get me where I want to be, physically or emotionally.
And you know what? Cutting out alcohol isn't sounding all that bad to me.
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| Sunday, January 29th, 2012
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10:25 pm - keepin' it live...
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Anyone read this journal anymore? Livejournal is weeding out inactive journals, and I don't want to lose my screen name just yet... so, here I am, blogging again.
Maybe it'll get more interesting if I know people are reading. Gimme a holla. :)
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| Saturday, February 21st, 2009
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7:19 pm - Advancing to a new level of techyness...
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Hello internet.
Im writing to you tonight from my iPhone. I labored with this decision for a very long time. It wasn't so much the initial purchase that made me cringe, but rather, the longer term service plan commitment that comes with the plan. Thinking of being tethered to my phone company for another two years pains me a bit. Not that I've had any negative experiences with them, but the general concept of being trapped gives me a bit of anxiety.
Aside from the statements above, I'm loving the new phone - as well as all the cool geeky features that come with it (and the unlimited data package). The web browsing, email on demand, awesome texting interface... the list goes on and on...
Not that this guarantees an increase to my blogging frequency, but the easy access to posting my every whim might entice me to post a little more. Then again, there are so many other damn cool apps on this phone that it's going to be difficult to keep an even distribution of time between them all!
I'm out for now... hope you all are doing just peachy :)
Posted via LiveJournal.app.
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| Monday, September 17th, 2007
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10:42 pm - heartburn
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So I've been getting bad heartburn at night, to the point where I wake up with a sore throat. Even when I limit my meals and avoid all the right foods (you know, all of the fun stuff - spicy, garlicy, acidic, alcoholic or caffeinated) still it plagues me. This is probably all due to the fact that it's caused by stress, but regardless, my story continues...
Last night, I was doing some research on food allergies, parasites and the relation to ailments (yes, I'm a hypochondriac and for some reason that kind of stuff intrigues me) and I came across a blog discussing the use of apple cider vinegar as a natural remedy for heartburn. I couldn't bring myself to drink the stuff straight last night, even though I could feel the back of my throat peeling away already. Tonight, however, I decided to take the plunge. Two tablespoons of apple cider vinegar - straight up. It was absolutely disgusting, but seemed to stop my heartburn almost immediately. I have yet to test the "lay down" test - determining if it was only a temporary fix for the time while I'm upright, or if it will last through the night. (looking at a bit more research, it looks like most sites recommend diluting the vinegar... wusses)
If this really works, I'll be totally stoked! I'm always looking for good natural remedies...
current mood:  tired
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| Sunday, September 16th, 2007
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9:16 pm - my outlet
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I feel like crap lately. I'm in this slump and my self esteem is hurting because of it. I've been working so hard to prepare myself for these tests, working my butt off at my job, and still feel like it's not enough. My personal relationships suffer because I've put so much of myself into my work and professional life, and I feel like a bad person and a bad friend. And to make matters worse, I have been socially inept lately... saying the wrong things, not knowing when to shut up and when to let things go. At times it's like an out of body experience for me - I hear myself bragging and being pompous, and yet the words just flow out of my mouth without any filter. It makes me even more depressed.
All work and no play makes me a very unhappy girl.
current mood:  depressed
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| Sunday, September 2nd, 2007
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10:07 pm - a slight reprieve
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So the third part of my cpa test was this past Thursday - leaving me with a slight reprieve from studying this weekend - only to dive right back into it come next week (after Monday, of course). I met up with some friends at Tahoe Joe's on Thursday night for drinks & dinner, the furthered the celebrating at a sabbatical party for a few of our friends last night. It feels good to be done with this test. The test was incredibly difficult, and took me the full 4 hours to complete (I finished with a minute and 27 seconds left on the clock). I'm not extremely confident about the results - it wasn't a cake walk by any means, and I'm sad to say that this one could probably go either way. I find out the results in six weeks. Until then, I assume I passed and move on to the next section - Regulation (taxes and whatnot). Lately the overkill of "accounting" has had me in a bit of a rut. I've been questioning my chosen career path, wondering if this stuff is really for me. In reality, I enjoy what I do and the theory behind it all, but too many journal entries on the brain can really zap that love for numbers out of a person, ya know? Ben & I had talked about going out of town this weekend and getting away from it all... as the weekend approached, and no plans were made, we realized that staying at home and just being lazy sounded like a far better option. We haven't had many relaxing weekends at home lately. They've either been on the go or filled with studying. I have so many things I want to do when this last test is over - I still need to make a wedding photo album, edit our wedding video, upload my archive of pics onto my new flickr account, finish working at the condo and get it into a salable condition, the list continues. I can't wait to be done... it's so close I can taste it!
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| Saturday, August 25th, 2007
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11:03 am - stressed...
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I feel like I'm constantly stressed these days... and I think I bring it upon myself. If I didn't have something to be stressed about life would be boring, so I create stressful situations.
I'm taking the third part of the cpa exam on Thursday. It's not an easy test by any means, and this section has the most girth of them all. The book is at least 50% bigger than all of the others, with lots of new material that I didn't learn in college, nor do I have any real world experience with. Still, I'm plugging through it, and knowing that I passed the first two sections without any issue makes me feel a bit better. This weekend is my cram time... final submersion into everything I need to know for the test. Who knows how much this final push helps, but feeling that much more prepared works for me psychologically at least.
Of course, here I am, blogging about being stressed and everything I have to get done before Thursday, rather than actually doing the things I need to do. Sometimes a brain dump is good for me... getting things out of my head and on paper (online?) gives me peace.
Back to studying now... wish me luck!
current mood:  stressed
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| Sunday, June 3rd, 2007
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11:58 am - Music Time
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We went to the Arcade Fire concert in Berkeley last night. They put on a good show - sounding much like their album and putting a good stage presence out there. I visited Berkeley a bit when my brother went to school there, and then again later when I lived in the bay area, so I have a few local places that I know and love... one of which is Zachary's Chicago Pizza. We attempted to go to Zachary's last night, but due to the size of our group (there were 10 of us) and the timeline for being at the concert, it didn't work out like I'd hoped. We opted to park the van at the concert and venture out into the city on foot instead. I had a few other places marked out on a map, and a pretty good idea of how to get there, but when I asked directions from a local Berkelian, they looked at me like I was on dope for wanting to walk that far. Few options remaining, we headed down the hill to see what we could find along the way. Luck was with us, as we came upon a pretty tasty pizza by the slice place, and sat down to devour our dinner and enjoy some beer. The show ended late, and we finally made our way home around 2am - it was a long night, but it was worth it - a great show, some tasty eats and a good group of people.
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| Monday, May 28th, 2007
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10:28 pm - Clutter
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Once upon a time, I lived in a house full of stuff. Papers, books, bills, hamper baskets full of clothes (both clean and dirty), dishes (same as prior), etc. Towering piles of stuff. Overwhelming amounts of stuff.
When I moved out and controlled my own world, I discovered how much more at peace I was with minimal clutter and organized space. I loved it. It made me so happy to have everything neat, clean, and in it's proper place. I would strive to maintain this way of living for several years.
Alas, it was inevitable that the day would come that I would revert back to the "house full of stuff" being, and once again feel cluttered. It's not just a state of cleanliness for me - it get's in my head, keeping me up at night, giving me new puzzles to solve. Just how to maintain the "stuff" I have, how to sort through it all to determine what I really need, how to not feel guilty for giving away the perfectly good items that were gifted to me, determine what I can scan into my computer and what I need hard copies of. It's not just the tangible "stuff" that gets to me - disorganized electronic "stuff" creeps into my head as well.
I started the blog on my website with the initial idea that it would free me - give me a place to express my thoughts and ideas. Little did I realize that it would do exactly the opposite. While it gave me an excellent platform to communicate with my friends and family in a widespread capacity, the transparency actually stifled me and lead to the demise of blogging for me. I began editing my thoughts for "family appropriate" information - and overanalyzed just what I should be broadcasting out there. There are some things that are better left unsaid and unknown. I have other friends who can just put it all out there - but I'm far too conservative to try it, so now I find myself with several accounts for blogging.
Blogging was a form of self expression for me - I enjoyed getting thoughts out of my head and giving them a place to rest. Ready for reference should I ever want to revisit, but out of the forefront of my mind for now. I miss that feeling of expression and release.
If you know me, you know I always have a "new plan" for everything. I always have some goal in mind, some plan of action set, some course I'm following - even though it's often subject to change. My new plan for blogging will be to maintain this account, and use my website account for broad and general updates. This way, I can eliminate the need for cross posting, and also bring back that slight sense of anonymity that I once felt. I've said this before, so who knows if I'll actually maintain this one like I used to, but at least this will be a start.
current mood:  anxious
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| Wednesday, November 30th, 2005
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10:41 pm - Link of the month
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9:43 pm - The Age of Technology
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I have certain gripes about my desktop computer. Although it is lightning fast (thanks to an awesome processor and an ample amount of ram), the peripheral devices connected to and surrounding my computer are less than par. Please allow me to explain;
1. Chair: My armless computer chair (yes, it's still armless) is becoming less and less comfy each day. It appears that the once plush padding that cushioned my behind while spending days/nights on my computer
2. Keyboard: The buttons are incredibly noisy compared to my laptop/work computer/ben's computer/a train. The caps lock sticks, and the wires are a constant pain. Hence, my request for a wireless keyboard & mouse on my froogle wish list.
3. The plastic wheel your chair around more easily / carpet protector under my chair: Not wanting to slurge on the more expensive plastic do-hickey, I went for the standard height protector, thinking it would work the same. Due to ultra plush carpeting, the chair sinks the plastic into the ground whenever weight is applied, creating little plastic ruts that are nearly impossible to roll out of. I feel like I'm attempting to free myself from a sandtrap every time I want to roll around.
4. Monitor: The once suffient 15" tube monitor, is now just become an annoyance. My resolution is either so high that I need binoculars to see the data on my screen, or so low that I feel like I'm using a geriatric version ofmy machine. Most website resolutions aren't designed for either, and I end up changing the standard font size with every new page I visit to accomodate for my sucky screen.
5. USB Ports: My usb ports are not 2.0, and the "If you switch this to a 2.0 USB port, you'll receive much better performance" message comes on damn near every time I plug in a new device.
6. Printer: I've been out of cartridge ink for color for months. My own fault, but still a gripe.
7. Misc complaints: Some of my other complaints include the bare walls that surround my computer (due to my admitted laziness), poor lighting, and a fan that rattles scarily.
current mood:  frustrated
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| Tuesday, November 29th, 2005
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11:12 pm - Quick Update
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I just checked out LiveJournal for the first time in ages (the actual site, as opposed to using an alternate source for posting) and I must say, I'm impressed! They've added quite a few new features that are pleasing to me and make my livejournal experience that much more enjoyable! :)
I'm disliking having several journals; I miss posting to one with frequency and actually getting responses!! Plus, the "friends only" feature of livejournal is nice. Maybe I'll switch back (again).
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| Monday, June 6th, 2005
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7:14 pm
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My office chair is armless.
I took the arms off a few years ago. I like sitting cross-legged in it, and the arms just served to get in the way. They also conflicted with the pull out keyboard tray I had once upon a time.
Two years later, and I want my chair arms back. I actually hung onto them for quite a while, thinking during that time that I might fall into "chair dismantler's remorse" and want to put them back on. But it never happened. I think I finally threw them out maybe 6 months ago. Now... I want them back.
It seems that always happens to me. It's always a distinct amount of time between throwing something away and wanting it again. Too much to be able to retrieve the item from the top of the garbage can. So now I'm looking for a new office chair. Of course, none are comfy enough for me to want to spend over $100 on one. And the current one isn't so uncomfortable that I am desperate to get rid of it just yet.
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| Tuesday, May 31st, 2005
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9:50 pm
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it's been ages since I've posted last... mostly because I've moved my update blogs to my website and I haven't had much motivation to post anything more. Even there I'm lagging big time. Eventually (as I've said before), I plan on upgrading my site to word press, but don't hold your breath.
My webpage updates have become increasingly more boring and standard, as it turns out that my grandma, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. are partaking in it daily (ok, perhaps not daily, but enough). So I stay on the family-friendly subjects on my site. This account, once again, will be my outlet for the more shady me :) Ok, let's see... the update... Ben got the keys to his house back at the end of March, and we spent the next few weeks slowly moving things over. The big move day was the first weekend in April. A week later, we had our first semi-house warming party. Pulled pork sandwiches, coleslaw, beer & a firepit was all we needed to break in the new place :)
I got a new job back in January, and have been plugging away at it. It started out pretty rough... the hours didn't seem to be any less than the old gig; making me feel as though I'd taken a step backwards. As time has progressed, so have my responsibilities, flexibility & overall enjoyment of the job. The hours are more stable, and much more predictable. Anyway, I mustn't go on too much, as to avoid being "dooced"
After the 3 day weekend, I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the structure of the American workplace... more appropriately, the work week. Who's idea was it to make our week 5 days long? Out of a 7 day work week, what moron decided that 71% of our days should be working days? It seems much more appropriate and humane to give us 3 days off each week. 4 days at work is plenty. Perhaps there wouldnt be so many unhappy people out there if we would just cut the work time & play time to more equal promotions.
As an argument, one might counter that we do enjoy a bit of free time each working day. The typical work day is 8 hours (plus an additional hour for lunch). Add in a 30-45 min commute each way, and you're up to 10-10.5 at minimum. Now count that 20-60 minutes spent each morning prepping for the day, up to 10.2-11.5, depending on your morning rituals. Figuring we have about 16 waking hours each day (waking at 7 and sleep at 11), we're down to 4.5. Forget about the morning run to Starbucks... that would shave another 20 min out of your day. So you're finally home, it's time to relax... orrrrr time to make some food & try to unwind from a stressful day at work. An hour for cooking & eating (12.5 hours); 30 min spending 'meaningful time' with your significant other (13 hours); a solid hour of good television watching (14 hours); an hour of blogging/working on computer/playing video games/being a tech nerd (15 hours); and finally, time to start getting ready for bed or other misc activities :)
Done. That's the typical work day. Then, you wake up and do it all over again. This is, of course, without throwing in any friends, family, additional errands, plans, etc. So my point... the work days are shot. We really need a full 3 days off weekly. I think that would truly make me happy.
So that's it for my big comeback blog. Nothing to speak of, but at least it puts me back in the game... somewhat. I imagine I'm still the worst blogger ever, though.
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| Friday, March 11th, 2005
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7:53 am - cleaning house
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hey all...
i've cleaned up my friends list to be only those people I've stayed in contact with over the past few months. Anyone who wants to leave me on for the periodic public posts I make (most are public these days) are welcome to do so!! And if you're dying to still be on my friends list... let me know!
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| Saturday, December 25th, 2004
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8:56 am
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So part of the "fun" of xmas for my parents is for my mom to stay up all night wrapping presents and getting all of the last minute things done. She usually finishes with present wrapping around 7am, when us kids would get up for xmas. By some act of god, I actually woke up early this morning (maybe it was the 10 hours of sleep from the night before catching up with me), only to find my mom still awake. She's now sleeping on the chair next to me out in the living room.
Ok, don't get me wrong, I love that she feels she needs to do this for my brother and I, and love that she enjoys a big christmas, but for the past few years my brother and I have protested the idea of a huge christmas, if only to save money & sleepless nights! Additionally, my parents spend a lot of money on us. A LOT. And it makes my brother and I feel bad to accept expensive gifts that we could barely budget ourselves. We enjoy the big Christmas', but I think we're getting to the age where we realize that most of the enjoyment of Christmas is derived from spending it with our family.
Of course, this will probably be the last Christmas that we spend together like this. I thought last year would be, with my brother having his own place in town now, and his girlfriend and he (possibly?) living together. Ok, well she's there all of the time, so even if that's not the case, it might as well be :) I imagine next year will be the turning point... and I'm just not sure what my parents will do with all that extra cash ;) Actually, they still go above and beyond for our friends who visit, and frequently we'll have xmas celebrations a day or two later (eg, a few years ago I had the flu on xmas day, so we postponed most of xmas until the 26th), so I have no doubt that christmas' in the future will continue to be a big deal...
A sidenote... Although we've requested a smaller Christmas, this has been the norm my whole life. It would be strange to have it any other way.
Oh well... that's my parents for you... they go above and beyond with everything they do. And even though we criticize them for spending too much moeny, that's just the way they are. They've always made the money stretch, and always had only our happiness in mind. I guess you can't really fault them for it :)
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| Wednesday, December 22nd, 2004
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8:51 am - moving up & out
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the latest with me... new job, new job, new job!!!!!!!!
I'm so so excited.
Unfortunately, the excitement over my new job comes and goes, as the process to leave my current one is seemingly gut wrenching, and full of tears. I'm leaving my job at nearly the worst possible time of year for the company (just before busy season) and it's my responsibility to break the news to my managers and seniors. The fact that I'm cognizant of this being the worst time of year to leave makes these conversations more diffcult and leaves me feeling very, very guilty.
The thing is, an opportunity presented itself a few weeks ago (via a recruitor), and it seems to be everything I've been missing from my current job. It's local, so no travel; I'll have my own little cube; free parking; go to the same place for work every day (vs. going to a new client every 2 weeks); feel like I can use some of my creative skills toward building a company; etc. It's a smaller company, only 90 employees or so (they're growing rapidly, last year they only had 47 employees), they're ranked in the top 20 of Inc 500's top 500 Private Companies of 2003, and the people at the company seem great! I met with the Controller for my first interview, and the CFO for my second, and both were equally enthusiastic about the company and where it's headed. The company provides home valuation modelling services to lenders, and has an extremely innovative business plan.
Anyway, so this is my last "official" week with PwC. I will be on vacation next week, and will take that time to wrap up loose ends before turning in my computer (apparently happening on wednesday - I just got an email about it).
So, this is it.
It's weird to me. I've put so much time and energy into this job... so much of *me* into it. Way too many stressful nights, long nights and tears.
It's bittersweet... but the right decision for me.
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| Monday, December 20th, 2004
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12:38 pm
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Horoscopes
Daily Leo Forecast
Quickie: Be truthful, fine. Truthfulness is good. But don't be brutal with your honesty.
Overview: You're just as impetuous as any other fire sign, which will become extremely obvious to one and all now. Go with your gut. You have a tough decision to make, but keep in mind that stability will be the end result.
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| Friday, December 17th, 2004
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11:10 am - more xmas stuff!!1
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| Thursday, December 16th, 2004
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7:11 pm - it will be ending soon...
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